‘Le Must’ Style Accessory…Maybe not what you’re thinking…
Anyone who knows me well and what I appreciate in terms of style can tell you that I love and swear by accessories. The right accessory will always add that little ‘je ne sais quoi’ that can instantly elevate and transform even the simplest look. Think blue jeans and a white tee shirt, with a classic Hermes scarf as a belt… Well perhaps it isn’t Hermes, although that’s definitely a great look! Maybe it’s actually removing an accessory, like a piece of jewelry, and just wearing an elegant eternity band, with understated stud earrings and a classic watch. As Coco Chanel once said, “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.” French women excel at the art of accessorizing, and the ‘less is more’ approach normally prevails in their everyday style choices.
However there’s definitely one universal style accessory that looks good on every woman, and it doesn’t cost anything. It doesn’t discriminate. You don’t need to be a certain size or shape. Even age isn’t a factor. And yet sometimes it’s the most challenging one to accessorize with each day. The ultimate style accessory for any woman is CONFIDENCE. Personally it’s something that I’ve occasionally struggled with over the years, depending on the season of my life.
After living in Paris for so much of my adult life, I was definitely the ‘new kid’ on the block when we moved to a relatively small and close knitted community in northern California. Culture shock would be an understatement. I had three school age children, one already in middle school, who weren’t yet proficient in English and who were also starting a new life. I knew absolutely no one, and I felt conspicuous, self-conscious and awkward. When I took the kids to the back to school registration day, I will never forget looking around at all of the other moms, and just as if I were the new kid on a school playground, I could immediately spot the ‘popular’ moms. It was the weirdest realization. I felt that I didn’t fit in. The interactions between them were very different from what I had experienced up to that point while living in Paris. Fortunately, my children kept me very busy and we formed a tight little group, together discovering and navigating this very different, new life we were living.
As a woman it was a solitary time for me, and it lasted for a few years, not just weeks or months. During those years my self-confidence was not at an all-time high. Meeting other women I could identify with was difficult, particularly as I felt extremely shy. At that time I hadn’t yet met my ‘tribe’ so to speak, and this is why, in my experience, genuine and authentic relationships with other women are so important and valuable, and can contribute significantly to building self confidence. A true girlfriend will lift you up, encourage you and cheer you on. She will tell you that you are beautiful, even if you can’t see it yourself. She will respect you even if she doesn’t necessarily agree with you. I’m extremely grateful that, although it definitely wasn’t overnight, I now have amazing friends who bless my life with their honesty, humor and love.
So to bring it back to our most important style accessory, Confidence! For me, during that season of my life, I definitely struggled, and occasionally I still do. Honestly, I’ve yet to meet a woman who is 100% confident all of the time. Most of us have quite a list of insecurities, and they don’t just magically disappear overnight. Add to that all the changes that our body goes through as we age, and the self-critical voice just won’t shut up sometimes. I’m finding it’s a process, and some days it’s easier than others. The skin looks great, the outfit just works, someone offers a sincere compliment. I think there’s also something to the practice of ‘faking it till you make it.’ Even if you’re not really feeling it at first, being intentional and allowing yourself to say things like ‘I am beautiful, what I offer to the world is valuable, I’m making a positive difference in people’s lives, or wow I look great in this dress,’ will go a long way in shifting your energy and how you are showing up each day.
The bottom line is that true self confidence is attractive and sexy. For example, if you’re unhappy with your weight, isn’t it better to replace saying to yourself ‘I look so fat, nothing looks good on me’ with ‘I am on the path to creating a healthy and fit body and I love taking great care of myself and feeling beautiful during the process’. Embody the mentality of that future ideal now, start behaving like her, and watch how your self-confidence will improve!
The other morning as I was getting ready, I took a good honest look in the mirror, mentally trying to make peace with who I saw looking back at me. Even though I devote my work to helping women develop and more importantly embrace their authentic style and beauty, I still need to coach myself through this aging thing too! So instead of allowing myself to focus on sagging skin, cellulite and broken capillaries…I could go on but won’t… I looked at my reflection, spoke gratitude for a body that’s healthy, that allows me to move and exercise, and that is perfectly imperfect. I sincerely meant it, and something shifted for me. I felt grateful and blessed. So with that, I put on my makeup, chose a great outfit to wear, and walked with confidence out the door to live another beautiful day!
